Several college football players were captured by New York State Troopers Monday hiding in the back of a pickup truck. They later confessed that they were attempting to escape the NFL Draft and claimed the whole thing to be a "quagmire". "The seven college athletes were all expected to be taken in either the first or second round, yet,decided to make a run for the border in order to escape their responsibility and duty to their country to provide the masses with mind-numbing entertainment" said a State Trooper spokesman. The spokesman was also quoted as saying "These players potential draft position may not be hurt, but obviously, teams don't like when players make escape runs." A lawyer representing the players came out with the following statement: "While these players may have made a misguided attempt to escape and run away. We should not judge or punish them too harshly. They are young and the Sub-dermal GPS tracking units that Commissioner [Roger] Goodell is advocating for is a fair enough compromise."
During a recent interview, Roger Goodell stated that: "Any player attempting to flee from his duties as NFL player will be re-captured and brought back safely to his team". Mr. Goodell said this whilst also loading his tranquilizer dart gun, which suggests that he is quite serious regarding re-capturing players and ensuring they are able to serve their full contract with the NFL.
One of the players later came out with his own statement which cited Brett Favre's repeated escape attempts which, up to this point, have always been thwarted by Mr. Goodell and the expert group of bounty hunters on the NFL payroll. Brett Favre, of course, is well known for serving several tours in Green Bay before making his initial escape. Unfortunately for him and NFL fans around the country, he was re-captured and forced to serve a tour of duty in New York. He escaped again only to be re-captured in Minnesota where, after serving another tour there, made yet another escape attempt. This time making it all the way to his home state of Louisiana before his fellow team-mates, under the orders of Minnesota task-masters, retrieved him for another tour in Minnesota.
This latest escape attempt by college athletes only marks the tip of the ice-berg. Other college players have been known to commit crimes such as burglary, drug possession and a few go even as far as assault in attempts to get out of serving with the NFL. Most of these have gone in vain as the NFL has "turned the other cheek" and allowed the players into the draft anyway. Even players that have already been drafted have committed major felonies in attempts to desert the NFL. NFL Wide Receiver Plaxico Burress went so far as to shoot himself in the leg in order to flee the NFL's oppressive multi-million dollar paychecks, however, Mr. Goodell was quoted as saying about Mr. Burress that "even if he cut off his leg, we will still find a way to force millions of dollars into his bank account and hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of benefits and a life time's worth of free Gatorade against his will."
What's troubling the NFL Commissioner and several team owners is the possibility of a season-long player lock out. One team owner, who wished to remain anonymous, was quoted as saying "Of course our utmost concern is the billions of dollars we get from ticket sales, ridiculous advertisements and over-priced concessions, but with a lock-out, there's the real possibility that dozens of players may be able to flee the country while everyone's distracted."
One player, Running Back Rashard Mendenhall, is known for making several repeated escape attempts. Known for his comments in which he compared the NFL to slavery, Rashard is also known as being one of the easiest players to recapture as law enforcement and NFL Bounty Hunters are always able to "predict his spin-moves, as they do not surprise anyone, what-so-ever."
More news to follow as details are continuing to unfold.
9 years ago
